vic

Shot with a Canon AE-1 on Amber 400D.

Where the water flows from, Pineview Reservoir June 2023

I think I might be making a return

breakfast.

i am struggling to keep my puzzle together. i’ve lost so many pieces during this slice of time. i have decided on keeping the main picture, the people i love have to stay. i don’t know if it’s selfish or if it’s justified or if it’s fine. i can’t help it— otherwise we might die.

moral compass stuck up your ass

a day at the park right before shit hit the fan

I have an identity crisis because of my hair. I’m Korean. but i have curly hair. its dark, its thick, but its curly. 

i consider myself to be ambiguous. no one can tell ‘what’ i am, for sure. i want to be korean so badly that sometimes i crave straight hair. i want people to know and recognize be and belong. but i remember that i am unique. there’s no one else that looks like me. i have a look. and i want to embrace both sides of me.  

it was an odd room

it was an odd little room, across from Entering Area B. Maybe we weren’t supposed to be in there, but there didn’t seem to be a purpose for it.

It was quiet. it was away. and it had a big glass window that let us know that the rest of the world was carrying on, while we waited for time to pass until enough time had passed.

the sound of taylor’s pen clicked away, tapping the surface of printer paper he must’ve quietly asked for with necessity. it was Her poem. Her song. Her taylor.

the room wasn’t meant for us. it wasn’t meant for us to sit in and cry and laugh and worry and remember and sit some more. the room that was meant for all that wasn’t meant for us. this room is the odd room that hides us in the open.

i wish i knew what the future looked like past this moment & i could tell taylor it would be okay, he’d be okay. but i cannot. and i cannot say he’ll see her again, because he won’t. none of us will. but he will see her in his dreams, his thoughts, his songs. he will see her everywhere, even though she isn’t here. rather than one singular moment in time and space she exists forever, in everything. and because of that we know she isn’t gone, not forever. she’s just gone from this moment in time. but all the infinite he moments had with her before exist and always will, even more than what the future could’ve been because these are the things that already happened. to live in the present means you hold the past, and are unconcerned for the future. he has her, and she has him. and that will never change.

max is officially the love of my life. i will not retract that statement. if there was anyone i could spend every waking and sleeping moment with, its you. you’re the sun in the morning and the moon as a i sleep. you brighten my day and watch over me as i sleep. the sound of your voice is honey. 

warby parker. fuck a hotel that makes me make moral decisions about the lives of others. nah. lets work where we love, next to gelato and movies and coffee. yes. 

school. eh. been better and been much worse. not much to report besides i write in my planner more routinely than do homework. thinkb4utweet. i did that. solutions scholars? i hope i do that. 

flowers. fresh flowers as constant as i can. always have enough spare cash for fresh flowers. 

weed whenever i need it, whenever i want it. a good rule to live by. have money for weed. 

music sounds good lately. it sounds exciting and memorable. its new, its a new phase. winter is almost over. playlist check. 

new projects. 8mm digital tapes. smiles. apt tours. 20s. captured by the same thing that captured me as a kid. nostalgia. excitement to look back. 

grief. sadness. longing. questions. balconies and window screens that will never be the same. bottom floor mentality. love. friendship. brotherhood. kindness. open arms. Mar. 

since we’ve talked. since we’ve seen each other. how are you doing? i’m doing better. you’re eating right? yeah i’m eating. i cook a lot these days. thats good. you’re coming out of it you know? oh yeah? when i was you, it felt like that. like nothing was in your control. like life was just a set of low hills, never reaching the peak and sliding back down. but that’s almost over. you’ll always remember it, until the hills come again. but thats who you are! you are the hills! you go up, you go down. but you’re always pleasant. even when it’s hard. and it’ll be okay.